HERS – Marriage Blog
Let me invite you to a moment I’ve dreamed of my whole life. I’ve planned, pretended and kept this day close to my heart and everything I’ve done has lead to this special moment in time…my wedding day.
I find myself walking down the sandy shore of a private beach; captivated by the depth of the ocean before me and the array of warm hues painted in the distance from the setting sun. I inhale deeply, breathing in the fresh scent of the ocean before taking a full step into the sand. My bare feet greet the earth as I dig my toes in deep, welcoming the natural exfoliate.
Suddenly, I’m bombarded by multiple thoughts. Did I choose the right dress for the occasion? How does my hair look? Am I forgetting anything? And of course the potentially overwhelming, OMG, I can’t believe I’m living in the moment I’ve dreamed of my entire life! Where’s the tissue? Then as if on cue, the thoughts quiet as a wave of reassurance washes over me. My cream colored a-line gown lightly brushes the ground as I seemingly glide through the sand. Its lightweight material, laced with a string of pearls flowing effortlessly down my open back, provides the perfect combination of elegance and comfort. My naturally curly hair loosely blows in the wind scarcely managing to keep contained. This moment is everything I’ve ever imagined.
I’m surrounded by friends and loved ones who are joining me as I embark upon this life changing journey. I lovingly glance around the crowd of familiar faces. Everyone is looking at me with smiles of adoration and encouragement. I feel as though I’m floating on cloud nine, but the strong hand lightly gripping my arm keeps me anchored in the reality that in a few moments, I will become Mrs. Unrevealed.
You see, I’m a single female and like most others in my position, I have a tendency of substituting the words marriage with wedding. I’ve lived in a fantasy world filled with my version of how a knight in shining armor comes to rescue me and takes me to a far away land where the two of us automatically live happily ever after. After all, we are married and living off the fumes of a blissful wedding which must equate to a life filled with romantic gestures including long walks on the beach, candle light dinners and strolling hand in hand all day. I have the ability to interchange marriage and wedding in a conversation with ease yet in reality, they are completely different. A wedding is simply an occasion in time dedicated to celebrating the decision a man and a woman make to commit to love each other for eternity. Marriage, however, is a covenant made and the journey embarked on based on a prior decision to make an eternal commitment. Wow, forever…I’m sighing just thinking about the finality of the word.
Now back to my dream…where was I? Oh yea, the part where we say our vows… I’m filled with a sea of emotions. The Minister gestures towards me as my soon to be husband takes hold of my hand. All others fade away as I stare into my Beloved’s eyes. He’s saying his vows to me and I barely hear them over my heart which is beating at an abnormally fast pace. It’s my turn now. I begin repeating my vows to him, when suddenly the reality of the Minister’s last comment hits me in the pit of my stomach. I pause, wondering if I heard him correctly. Did he ask me to say “I promise to love, honor, and obey?” Why do I feel like he just cursed at me?! Seriously, this is 2011 and obey is such an archaic term.
You see in today’s era of popcorn marriages filled with out clauses of divorce based on irreconcilable differences, I choose to believe in a more traditional view of the word. Therefore, phrases like “in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and till death do us part” actually carry weight in my mind. I also believe having a proper foundation based on mutual respect, trust and love is a vital key to a healthy marriage. I have no problem being committed, but to ask me, Miss Independent to obey goes against my theme song. You know the one that Destiny Child wrote? “All the women whose independent…” Yea, I see you throwing your hands up waiting for the next line. Where does that part of the vow fit into my attitude of I can think for myself, I’ve been doing it for years now. Exactly why should I obey you? It doesn’t.
I can literally continue for hours on my expectations, hopes and dreams for marriage. I’ve spent countless hours already imagining a life full of romance and love, but this new concept of obeying is a little hard to swallow. It actually indicates that there may be some turbulence in my once calm sea. That I may have to sail against the tide and put some work into sustaining my blissful extension of my wedding, I meant marriage.
Not only am I expected to consider that my marriage attitude may need some fine tuning, but, I’m challenged by the possibility that my knight in shining armor may just be a figment of my imagination. That, my friend is a little harsh to face. Mr. Unrevealed is perfect in my mind…flawless. For example, I want someone who can lead me, but not dominate me, provide, make me feel secure, who is sensitive, etc. (this list is too long for this blog). And that’s not even including his physique! If you asked me to describe my dream guy physically, my answer could vary like a cup of Starbucks coffee and depends on the season. See, looks change, but good character only grows sexier with time. Is that too much to ask for?
Simply put you could be 6’5” have a perfectly chiseled body and possess the ability to provide me with all the things my heart could desire, but be missing one essential key and I wouldn’t even consider you as a potential candidate. On the other hand, you could be the average Joe, slightly overweight and operating on a shoestring budget, yet possess the ability to operate in faith, demonstrate good character and be open to change (a.k.a. my input) and I might be willing to give you the key to my heart. Now if you happen to possess the character qualities I desire and the physique and bank account of the first example, don’t hesitate to give me a call! You might potentially be my Mr. Right. LOL